Monday, March 3, 2008

Keeley B: Month 12

Dear Keeley,

Well, yesterday you turned 13 months old. Now I know why your age is still calculated in months: so much happens in a month that a 12 month old is drastically different from an 18 month old even though they are both technically 1 year old. You amaze me every day with something new you can do. Last week you learned how to open the door to your room. (Did I mention how many of these new things you can do also cause me more trouble?) And you practically run everywhere you go. Walking is simply not fast enough for you. You are just so excited about everything. Well, maybe not riding in your car seat. You could do without that.

You keep learning new words, too. You know "hi" and "bye-bye." You can say "mama" and "mommy." You say "dada" and "daddy", sometimes. You can say "mimi", "mammy" (for grammy), and "papa." You say "buh" and "buh-ee" for Buddy. You say "mo" for more and "mo" for milk. (That one gets confusing.) You say "bah" for ball. You know that a kitty says "meow", a doggie says "ruff", a duckie says "quack quack", and a snake says "hiss hiss." (Although the way you say it, the snake has a slight lisp. But it is hands down everyone's favorite sound you do.)

So far, we haven't had any major meltdowns in the aisles of any stores yet. But I can see those times looming in the not-so-distant future. The other day you were standing up in your princess throne even though you know you're not allowed to stand in chairs. I told you to sit down and you looked at me with these impish eyes and said, "Nah." Now I'm not sure if you were actually meaning no, but it sure seemed like it. And, right now? That's really funny to me. It was all I could do to keep from smiling and laughing while I continued to tell you to sit down. You just had the best little twinkle in your eye and you were looking right at me saying, "Nah." I know this will most definitely NOT be cute in the future, so I am enjoying it while I can. I eventually had to just take the throne away for a while, but you weren't too upset. You just went on to playing with something else.

And it's not just me who enjoys you so much. You bring so much joy to so many people's lives. Everyone who knows you is always so excited to see you. I find it hard to balance your time with all the people who want to be with you. And that is a wonderful thing. Your sense of adventure and excitement for life seems to just take over whenever you're around. It's like we forget all those boring, annoying adult problems when we have you around. With you, it's so much easier to focus on how exciting things are and just how lucky we are to be here today.

I love you so much and I want to tell you I'm sorry for all the things I can't be. I'm sorry for the times I don't read you that book you bring to me with that excited look in your eyes. I'm sorry for the times I don't give you the extra few minutes you want to check out an interesting stick or that cool leaf on the ground. I'm sorry for the times I forget to give you a banana cookie after dinner because I'm so concerned with cleaning you up. I'm just sorry that I can be that perfect mother I so long to be. My love for you makes me want to be everything and do everything you need. I know that's not possible, but it doesn't make me want it any less. Just know that I try.

I am so happy you are in my life. Thank you for everything you bring into it. I feel like I feel everything more since I've had you. More happiness, more excitement, more love. More guilt, of course, but you've gotta take the good with the bad. And the good always, always outweighs the bad. Always.
Love you,

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